Sean Strickland is not OK. God bless him for saying so. He’s known for two things: wailing on dudes in MMA, and tweeting like your friend from middle school that was way out of line but hilarious. Recently, though, he posted a video in the “driver’s seat confessional” style, groaning that “I have everything: I’m rich, I’m famous, like I have everything I’ve ever f***in’ wanted, and I still am immensely unwell.”
It reminded me of someone: Tim Keller, the late New York City pastor whose congregation was packed with striving actors and aspirational celebrities. And what Keller would tell them was that they shouldn’t live in fear of never landing the role, or never getting the break they craved. What they should fear was the first moment after they did get their heart’s desire, when the gleaming prize fell deep and swift into the emptiness they thought it would fill, without a sound. “What I want you to think about is people that have hit the top, and remain discontent…. We don’t realize the things that they know. How deep our discontent is,” Keller told the hungry hearts of the city.
He knew whereof he spoke. In the Bible Jesus tells a story about a man who stocks up so much grain that he has to build new storehouses to fit it all. “That’s what I’ll do,” he says, “and then I’ll say to myself, ‘Self! You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry.’”
I find that moment so touching, so pitiably human. “I’ll say to myself” is probably the most natural modern translation, but the Greek word is psychē, “soul.” The man is talking to his own fluttering soul, trying hopelessly to settle its unease. He is trying to convince himself he’s happy. And at that very moment comes the voice from heaven: “fool! Today your life will be demanded of you.” And what will he have then?
I talk to a lot of guys just out of college about the clubs they go to trying to meet girls. I remember my own evenings spent on similar dance floors, grinding away at what David Foster Wallace might have called “a supposedly fun thing.” It’s not that hard to find places—usually loud, showy places—where the main activity seems to be for everyone to tell each other, “this is fun.” It’s the kind of thing you don’t have to say if it’s true.
When COVID lockdowns forced us all to make life smaller in the hopes of making it longer, a lot of us realized how much of our official public logic is based on a lie about what we actually want. Material security, success, achievement—these things are excellent. I would not willingly give them up. But the soul can’t be talked out of wanting more.
And here’s what I think. I have no idea what Sean Strickland’s real life is like beyond the iPhone camera. I hope he gets the help he needs. But when a man confesses that he has everything the world can give and he still wants “to burn everything down,” I think God is closer to that man than his own skin.
It’s why the prostitutes and the sinners go before the temple priests into the kingdom of heaven: they are telling the truth. They’re not selling their souls on snake oil like most of us do, most of the time. They have no cause to. Their poverty and shame encourage no illusions about what the world can give.
If I were writing a brochure to advertise Christianity, my sales pitch would be: here at last is a religion that won’t try to gaslight you out of your sorrow, or explain away your grief. Here at last is a God with no interest in your song and dance about how things are OK, who is all ears the instant you admit they’re not. There’s another moment in the Gospels where Jesus looks at a woman bent double with weeping and asks: “do you see her?” As for him, it’s where all his attention is focused. And a broken heart he will not despise.
Rejoice evermore,
Spencer
Listen to the latest from Young Heretics
So very heartfelt Spencer. While I always find your philosophical peaning posts fascinating and so thought provoking, I truly love when you’re writing about somwthing that has deeply touched you. A couple of weeks ago you wrote about Paradise Lost in TNJ and now this. Just so lovely
“But when a man confesses that he has everything the world can give and he still wants “to burn everything down,” I think God is closer to that man than his own skin.” Yes. Yes. Yes. He is waiting for us - if only we would extend a hand and admit our insufficiency. If only we would seek His help instead of thrashing and turning trying to mould reality to our will…
And don't forget it is a religion that offers a purpose for all the grief and sorrow, that offers a plan of salvation, a plan of happiness, a plan of deliverance, a plan of redemption. Jesus overcame the world. Shouldn't we also follow His example? We do not have to suffer in ignorance. We can rejoice in the truth. .