It’s the moment I’ve been training for my whole life—everyone is talking about the Roman Empire! At least, they are talking about thinking about the Roman Empire. If you are not terminally online, first of all, God bless you. Second of all, allow me to fill you in: I am delighted to report that there is now a viral trend in which women profess befuddlement at the discovery that many or even most men think about the Roman Empire every day.
Think about it?? Bro, I’ve been writing about the Roman Empire. I’ve been podcasting about it. I’ve been reading about it since I could read! And don’t even get me started on the Ur III Dynasty (actually, someone please get me started on the Ur III Dynasty. Please? It was bananas. Their king could run real fast). Anyway, put me in, coach!
But actually, for all that, the surprising thing is that talking about the Roman Empire is not my favorite part of this trend. My favorite part is that this is the first time in quite a while that there’s been widespread discussion of the difference between the two sexes that has felt good-natured, fun, and not completely insane.
For starters, this is an excellent way to talk about what men and women are like. Not “all women are exclusively this way” or “men need to STOP doing this” but “Most men do this a lot. Crazy!” There are some things you can say about all men and all women, but they’re not often the most interesting and important things. Biological differences do matter, of course, but sometimes it feels as if we’ve all been reduced to haggling over them while the other stuff is either ignored, or caricatured, or riddled with trivial caveats and exceptions.
But we all know that there are more differences between men and women than mere biology, and we all know they’re interesting to talk about. The tiresome litany of counterexamples that typically emerge at this point does nothing to detract from the general, and true, impression that on balance some stuff tends to be guy stuff, and some stuff tends to be girl stuff.
Yes there are women who also think about the Roman Empire every day. Yes there are men who do not. All true, and all perfectly irrelevant to the general point, which was perfectly summed up by the 10 year old son of my friend Karol Markowicz. “The Roman Empire left a massive influence,” it “had such an amazing military,” and “the government was strong and powerful, and definitely had a lot of influence and was very smart. Men want to be like this too, most of the time.”
Little dude nailed it. Conquest! War! Grain laws! Awesome. Also: generally kind of guy stuff. But the most endearing part of the whole trend is not actually the guys. It’s the women, who by and large are reporting on their discoveries with an absolutely heartwarming sense of puzzled affection.
Once again, I am sure there are exceptions to this general rule, but once again I am not all that interested in them. I am not interested because good vibes in this domain are too few and far between these days to be dismissed or minimized when they appear. The prevailing sense one gets online these days is that men and women are at daggers drawn. Women are life force-draining harpies who should never been seen in public. Men are pathological cretins who should be physically forced into submission. In this climate, nothing could be more heartening than to see actual men and women regarding one another with the appropriate attitude, namely: total perplexity and charmed affection.
The sexes are currently locked in a cage match, and no one seems to be winning. But the cage is locked from the inside: left to their own devices and given appropriate permissions, most non-internet-addled men like being men. Most women like being women. And—wonder of wonders—most women like men being men, who like women being women. The war between the sexes is over, if you want it—which is sort of like how Augustus brought peace to the Roman Empire after many years of civil war. Anyway…
Rejoice evermore,
Spencer