On their podcast, Mollie Hemingway and David Harsanyi were talking about the recent We Are The World documentary and how refreshing - and disheartening, when compared to today - it was to see this room full of black and white pop stars spend hours together and never even see a hint of racial consciousness or animus. I remember those days, and I remember the days before Pride month, and I remember the days before all this self-worshipping identity politics bs (for the most part - I’m not old enough that radical feminism hadn’t already begun to spoil the relations between the sexes). It’s just such an avoidable tragedy. The answer, as you know, is in Christ. But the more society turns its back on our universal redeemer, the deeper we descend into our particular hells. Bless you for at least fighting the good fight.
As I get older, I think perfectionism that leads to falling out of love and feeling the ick is a young person's game. I also think that it's part and parcel of the body-denialist and simultaneously materialistic turn that Western societies have increasingly taken.
Fixating on a romantic partner's flaws and felling "the ick" has nested in it the imagination that there's some more perfect partner out there, so one can afford to throw away someone you've already invested time and emotional energy in, because a materialistic society teaches us that everything--and everyone--is disposable; you can just upgrade to someone better, like you would with a new thousand-dollar iPhone. And of course your romantic partner has flaws, just like you do: they're a physical being in a physical (or fallen) world, and entropy (or sin) is real. But the body-denialists pretend that our bodies are infinitely malleable, and perfectable--not something you need to worry about breaking down.
But I'm middle-aged now, and I want someone to love me enough to push my wheelchair when I break my bones, and someone I love enough to nurse through his recovery from surgery. I know my body can be very icky, just like his, and will become more so over time. And that's why we need each others' love.
The connection between the ideological disconnect between men and women in the West and some Asian countries, and resulting lack of romantic connection, has been discussed by both Freya India and @Alica Evans at The Great Gender Divergence. Here's a good example:
I was thinking about writing a book regarding the insanity of dating in our modern day and age. Basically the ultimate conclusion that I've come to is that smart phone dating apps have basically nuked relations between men and women. I highly suspect it's a total psyop against humanity, fueled by greed. If people find love then that's two less customers. But if people are constantly single and addicted to these dating apps then it's like a casino. Men are trying to get "lucky" by either finding easy sex or a girl that's even remotely attractive to date, and women are constantly trying to diffuse the chad bomb, wondering if they should cut the red or blue wire; "should I give him easy access to sex on the first date or should I tell him to wait?" It's an impossible situation: if she gives Chad easy sex, then he'll sleep with her for a night, get bored and move on. If he makes Chad wait, he gets frustrated, and moves on. But then it becomes nearly impossible for women to "settle" after she's been with too many Chads. But often women will eventually "settle" for the complete opposite Nice Guy type, as the pendulum often swings the other way eventually. And then it becomes easier for her to eventually be dissatisfied and resentful towards him, since she probably married him out of desperation and fear of being single and alone at 40. Basically premarital sex is ruining society...
On their podcast, Mollie Hemingway and David Harsanyi were talking about the recent We Are The World documentary and how refreshing - and disheartening, when compared to today - it was to see this room full of black and white pop stars spend hours together and never even see a hint of racial consciousness or animus. I remember those days, and I remember the days before Pride month, and I remember the days before all this self-worshipping identity politics bs (for the most part - I’m not old enough that radical feminism hadn’t already begun to spoil the relations between the sexes). It’s just such an avoidable tragedy. The answer, as you know, is in Christ. But the more society turns its back on our universal redeemer, the deeper we descend into our particular hells. Bless you for at least fighting the good fight.
As I get older, I think perfectionism that leads to falling out of love and feeling the ick is a young person's game. I also think that it's part and parcel of the body-denialist and simultaneously materialistic turn that Western societies have increasingly taken.
Fixating on a romantic partner's flaws and felling "the ick" has nested in it the imagination that there's some more perfect partner out there, so one can afford to throw away someone you've already invested time and emotional energy in, because a materialistic society teaches us that everything--and everyone--is disposable; you can just upgrade to someone better, like you would with a new thousand-dollar iPhone. And of course your romantic partner has flaws, just like you do: they're a physical being in a physical (or fallen) world, and entropy (or sin) is real. But the body-denialists pretend that our bodies are infinitely malleable, and perfectable--not something you need to worry about breaking down.
But I'm middle-aged now, and I want someone to love me enough to push my wheelchair when I break my bones, and someone I love enough to nurse through his recovery from surgery. I know my body can be very icky, just like his, and will become more so over time. And that's why we need each others' love.
Some other writing on this topic you might appreciate:
@Freya India at Girls has written extensively about this. Here's a good place to get started: https://www.freyaindia.co.uk/p/risk-aversion-is-killing-romance
The connection between the ideological disconnect between men and women in the West and some Asian countries, and resulting lack of romantic connection, has been discussed by both Freya India and @Alica Evans at The Great Gender Divergence. Here's a good example:
https://www.ggd.world/p/what-prevents-and-what-drives-gendered
This is bad for everyone, including women worried about sexism. As Alice Evans also writes about today, romantic love between men and women drive more egalitarian gender relationships: https://www.ggd.world/p/romantic-love-is-an-under-rated-driver?r=7jlkd&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Wise, KIND words. Thank you.
I was thinking about writing a book regarding the insanity of dating in our modern day and age. Basically the ultimate conclusion that I've come to is that smart phone dating apps have basically nuked relations between men and women. I highly suspect it's a total psyop against humanity, fueled by greed. If people find love then that's two less customers. But if people are constantly single and addicted to these dating apps then it's like a casino. Men are trying to get "lucky" by either finding easy sex or a girl that's even remotely attractive to date, and women are constantly trying to diffuse the chad bomb, wondering if they should cut the red or blue wire; "should I give him easy access to sex on the first date or should I tell him to wait?" It's an impossible situation: if she gives Chad easy sex, then he'll sleep with her for a night, get bored and move on. If he makes Chad wait, he gets frustrated, and moves on. But then it becomes nearly impossible for women to "settle" after she's been with too many Chads. But often women will eventually "settle" for the complete opposite Nice Guy type, as the pendulum often swings the other way eventually. And then it becomes easier for her to eventually be dissatisfied and resentful towards him, since she probably married him out of desperation and fear of being single and alone at 40. Basically premarital sex is ruining society...